Betty Twyford - March

PUBLISHED: 11:45 17 February 2011 | UPDATED: 18:53 20 February 2013

Betty Twyford - March

Betty Twyford - March

Businesswoman and home-maker Betty Twyford is a Herefordshire domestic goddess. She enjoys gardening, painting, craft, cooking and eating, sinfully

There is nothing else for it; the time has come to do something about it! The second doughnut was a step too far and it has been happening just a little too frequently, along with (dare I admit) a chip butty sandwich that sin of all sins, but so, so delicious. I decide to join the slimming club.

The day arrives, and I skip lunch and I drink very little (yes, I know this is silly). I even remove the necklace which I always wear, and my earrings. Deciding to don cotton trousers and a t-shirt on a less than balmy evening is not the smartest thing to do, but as I walk (freezing) into the hall, I notice we are all dressed in summer clothes
I sit at a new members table and wait to be quizzed. We talk in hushed tones about my height and weight, (I start apologising) and really, they couldnt be nicer. I am armed now, with a holder, books, and an internet access number. I have daily record charts and suddenly I feel very enthusiastic. I know I can do this. Easy. I fondly remember my father telling how me how very straight forward losing weight can be. It is simply, he said, a question of eat food (not too much) and exercise.
I hate exercise...

I stand in a long line of women chatting away. From time to time, someone leaves the queue to visit the loo in an endeavour to gain just that little extra ounce of weight loss. I decide that when I reach the scales I will remove my wedding ring and even though I am now gasping for a drink of water, I will not give in. The woman in front is told she has lost half of one pound. I step onto the scales
The moment of truth arrives and I am ready to sit down to revive, and receive some kind of therapy.

Various members are invited to volunteer the reason they have not had such a good week this week. Sandra begins a monologue of her sins to date. Apparently, she had a bad day and had taken to the fridge, gradually negotiating her way from top shelf to bottom bottom being where the cheese is laid to rest, and it is the cheese that puts on her weight. I decide that since I am a newcomer, to keep my mouth shut, but really Sandra, it is not the cheeses fault

So, she had eaten four rounds of toast with cheese, a huge slice of cake and had then polished off the lot with a Birds Eye Trifle (low fat) and that was before lunch. Trying gallantly to regain some ground, she had decided to put herself back on the plan so she opened her slimming book and chose to go for the beans on toast, a fatless egg and some bacon (grilled, with fat removed) The diet yoghurt just didnt do it for topping off, so she had reluctantly reached for just one Thorntons, and somehow that had turned into five.

We all look at each other, thankful it wasnt us. There is something comforting about someone elses sinning.

Someone volunteers the information that she has started to walk five miles a day, building up to an impressive 35 miles a week. She looks wonderful and we all inwardly hate her. She has studied the diet inside out, and has brought to class an amazingly delicious quiche without pastry we all fall upon it with gusto. I find myself tucking into a bran cake without fat or sugar an acquired taste, it has to be said, though at this stage I could eat a horse.

I wearily return home cold, thirsty and ravenous. I am resolved to change my eating habits and become a saint. Yes, tomorrow I will start off with a breakfast of fresh fruit and low fat yoghurt, (definitely no sugar) and I will make a hearty soup with cauliflower and leeks and lentils.
I tuck into one last slice of white bread thickly spread with butter and French fries and a sprinkling of salt A sort of last supper. I WILL start tomorrow, I will, I will.

TOP TIP: Line your Aga roasting tin with Baco Glide and spread on chopped courgette, onions, peppers, aubergine and tomato sprinkled with herbs. Roast on the top runners for about 30 minutes. Sinless!

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